INTRODUCTION AND FOREWORD


Good afternoon.   You have reached the web–site of the Proper English Foundation, a place for language fans to vent their frustration.   Your frustration may come from anywhere: everyday stress, the hectic world, fast-moving clocks, or the onset of syphilis.   But the way to make ourselves feel better is ALWAYS to correct the language of other people, whom we hate (not that ‘correct’ is, strictly speaking, a verb).   They do not even need to have been wrong!

We are inspired by, and opposed to, the undemocratic “Queen’s English Society”, an extremist group whose name makes the Queen look as though she supports their lazy, crazy theories about language.   These republicans set up an academy of English to give themselves the veneer of authority over our language, and to stop English from “declining”, despite having no evidence of a decline (research is never important to them).

This is why we have established a rival academy, deserving of equal or more recognition.   It is called the Académie von anglais, and is far better than the Queen’s English Society’s poor attempt – so our Académie must not be disobeyed!

You’re all anarchists
The Proper English Foundation is similar to the Queen’s English Society, but slightly more militant.   Like the QES, we realise that the worst English is spoken by the people we hate, which makes attacking them far easier and more satisfying.   Like they, we rarely need examples of English from real life; what’s the point when the world has long since given up on speaking as Nanny did?   There is barely even any point listening anymore.   Pedantry is a far more productive pursuit than “listening”.

We originally considered the name “English Defence League” but it had already been taken.   Of course the PEF is aimed at English mother-tonguers (EMTs), but recent legislation has forced us to accept members who are non-native speakers of English, which we are quite happy to do.    Furthermore, unlike the Queen
s English Society, we would not feel awkward to have wimyngays or Blacks as members (though we draw the line at Americans).

Why, you may ask, is all this really ne
cessary?   Human language has survived naturally for many thousands of years, but, as we see it, this is anarchy and something must be done by us!   The fact that you do not understand the gravity of the situation shows why the Académie is necessary  so that we can have no effect in an official capacity!   Relentlessly insulting everybody is the best way to make them speak Good Language (as how we do) instead of the vague and silly language you currently speak.   Our protest is based on the mantra that
IT IS BETTER NOT TO HAVE A LANGUAGE
THAN TO HAVE A LANGUAGE WE DEEM UNFIT
If you refuse to speak The Language properly, we shall take it from you: it is evident that you cannot be trusted.     Like punishing a naughty child by taking its favourite toy, we must be seen to be acting against poor users of English.   I have read that all schoolteachers are illiterate.   English spoken by the lower class often makes it onto television or onto the Underground when we are travelling – this is not a sign of progress, it is a decay in our moral fabric!

The Queen’s English Society are quite right to say things like this, and to stigmatise accents from Other Regions: it is not snobbery, it is a proud tradition that goes back to the feudal system and beyond.   (Having said that, modern English is actually derived from a low-class peasant language – see Evolution/1066 to 1362 – which is why we will demand that everybody switch to French eventually)

The QES add to an already-vast, mostly tedious, language debate by people who neither care about nor enjoy words.   Their organisation is a joke, but a rather amusing one, whose unintentional humour should be celebrated.
We take the Society’s arguments to their logical conclusions, something even they did not attempt because it would have made them look like idiots.   Please read on, sign the petition against the QES and help us in our quest for world domination!


ORDER OF BUSINESS:
You could become the King of the PEF! Click here! For what are you waiting?


FULL MENU
WORD ABUSEOur amazingly long list of words we chose randomly that are evil, or misunderstood by everyone apart from us because we’re special.
KNOW YOUR ENEMIESWe shame and maim those persons who break The Rules. Again, these are randomly-chosen people and rules.
HEROESThe opposite of enemies.   Those whose English use and political views correspond to our own, not that we have political views.
THE ENGLISH-SPEAKING WORLDApparently English is spoken elsewhere. Oh, really?
JOHNNY FOREIGNERA man who has problems learning English, even though we would have learned his language(s) flawlessly if we had tried.

ACADÉMIE VON ANGLAISAccept us as your linguistic authority, otherwise we shall castigate you!
HOW LANGUAGES EVOLVEA special report that you really must read!


NEWS BLOGWhat the hell is the PEF doing now?
WEB LINKSGo away from this PEF web–site
SEARCH within the words of wiseness on this PEF web–site





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