Political Correctness, or, as we used to call it, “Folly”,
before we were forced to refrain from saying that word due to Political
Correctness, is the toning-down of good, clear English insults for people we hate.
Our language has a way with insults; they
do say that English contains more insults than any other language. And these must all be preserved!
The reason that we (the Proper
English Foundation) hate being Politically Correct has nothing to do with how
“incorrect” we are about most other matters.
It is mainly because we on the right – er, in the right – have no way of
fighting back against do-gooders who “sensitise” people to words that cause
hurt amongst unimportant minorities. Rétard, for example is merely a French word meaning “delay” whose meaning
has been slightly strengthened and improved through its development in the
English tongue and usefulness as a neutral description for those whose mental
health issues cause them to fail spelling tests. For
anyone outright to say that retard is insulting because its connotations
have changed is an attack on the language (which is unchangeable) and on
us linguistic fans (which is merely a shortened form of “fanatics”). The mentally ill are still only a minority,
and not the silent majority that we and the Queen’s English Society
represent, therefore it would be absurd to make allowances in the language for
a minority and their feelings.
For this reason, and others, the Queen’s
English Society labelled political correctness “A highly contagious social
disease”. You can’t even call
people a bunch of confused, hateful, reactionary arseholes anymore! They start with a rambling introduction
that dismisses anybody who believes that women are not equal to men, and
who can talk to a Jew or black person without mentioning their ethnicity every
two minutes. It is there to be
mentioned! If we treated everyone
we met equally, the world would be a very boring place.*
Continuing to ramble onto a second page,
the QES guess (wrongly) that the term “African American” is only used by
guilty white folk trying to bury the past (ditto “Italian American”), then they
take to task that huge number of people who want to get rid of the words
“husband”, “wife” and “manslaughter”.
These husbandslaughterers need to be slaughtered by harsh words of
criticism! Which the QES rightly
provide to them! Sadly, on page 1 they
describe such nutters as “psychologically troubled”, which makes the QES sound
restrained and politically correct.
On the third page, tiring slightly, the QES turn their
attention to that most dangerous of phrases, “vertically challenged”. You know the one: the humorous description
that lightly mocks oversensitive PC terms, and is hardly ever used in serious
contexts when discussing dwarfism.
“It is a meaningless and vague expression
that should be banned.” 
Banned from what? Droll conversation? But, if it was banned, what would the
Queen’s English Society complain about?
No sex please, we’re xenophobic
The Society have plenty more about which
to complain: the European Union, for example, who desexualised the English
language by removing such terms as “ménage à trois” and “Rampant Rabbits” in an
attempt to straighten every man’s banana. No, that isn’t true. In fact, the EU followed in the footsteps
of barmy extremists like the British emergency services, by requesting that
gender-neutral terms such as “police officers” and “firefighters”
be used more in their official documents in English: radical changes that could shock
someone who has been living under a rock for the last 50 years!
So the QES are rightly shocked. For seven pages. They claim that the EU’s non-binding internal document will force princes and princesses to change their names, which is a total lie; and besides, the Royal Family already do that themselves.
The QES’s europhobia was set-off by a Daily Mail article that
shows why you shouldn’t let your life be run by unelected pen-pushing bureau
hacks on Rue de Fleet. I suppose next someone’ll want to ban “he”
and “she” and call every person “it”! And we’ll have to comply! I can
imagine it, so it must be a possibility! Therefore, anyone who uses ridiculous stilted non-sexist words deserves
to be fully attacked in tomorrow’s Daily Mail.
By the way, the Queen’s English Society
refer to English native speakers as “English Mother-tongue People” (EMPs),
thus ruining all their good work. In
outdoing the EU in a silly-phrase contest, the QES have also created a term so
stilted as to cause said mother tongue to fall out onto the floor.
Swearing and blinding
A minority group that does matter
is the silent minority of persons who dislike swearing on the television,
internet and in the privacy of young people.
Swearing is a social disease that does genuinely hurt us, and it can be
eradicated only by the liberal use of askerisks, as you will see on this
For us to censor swear words whilst upholding non-PC names, like “cripple”, is not hypocritical.
Actually, the Queen’s English Society should have censored the whole of this: “My language belongs to me, not the f-----g Queen, not you,
and you can keep your hands off it, you pompous f--kwit. And the punctuation on your website is shit.”, because it makes a lot of fair points against the QES’s continued existence.
They thought they were being clever to portray their opponents as boors,
but, on their terrible website, this quote was welcome relief.
Goodness me, we are
diagnosing a lot of diseases today!
Until recently we would have called political correctness and swearing “witchcraft”, but our members do not react
as forcefully and as angrily to that accusation as they used to.
But there is one more area where people do not talk straightly. Satire is it. In Political Correctness (and Swearing),
people say that which is the opposite of that which they mean, and likewise in
when American Republican politicians call torture “enhanced
interrogation techniques”, this is a politically-motivated euphemism,
not political correctness. It is quite
different and far less evil than calling a giraffe a “tall
dog” or some such horror.)
Satire is generally considered by the gens
in our Foundation to be absolutely unnecessary and silly. It tries to puncture pomposity, to no
avail. It makes otherwise-normal people
rant like prejudiced would-be autocrats.
It is easily spread: whenever somebody delusional or full of folly appears
on a national stage and makes a fool of himself by spreading a flawed message
or demanding respect, one thousand “SATIR-ISTS” suddenly pop up and satirise him,
even though he only was trying to help and to make the language better! Therefore, there is no place for satire on
This being apparent, we feel confident in
declaring that these filthy animals, political correctness, swearing and satire,
are easily-transmitted political maladies! (or “STDs”)
And we will not stand for them! [sits down]
* Shock news! The Academy’s new version of page 1 has been toned-down to be more PC! It no longer contains the anti-American rant or the legendary quote “If someone is Jewish, he is a Jew. It is thus perfectly legitimate to call him a Jew. He will not be insulted for that is what he is. The same goes for a Black.” But it does contain new material about Newspeak and the word spastic. Oh, good.
The EU: now better at English than the QES
Witches are notoriously bad at English.