Note: this page is not designed to attack people of a foreign nature. Now that we have said that, you will be able to rest assured in the knowledge of this.

Foreigners are godless folk who do not speak the Queen’s English.   For this reason, we Britons invaded as many of their countries as we could and instilled good, honest, British values in their townspeople.  In effect, we made them into Britons, and taught them to believe that “Britons never shall be slaves”, whilst enslaving some of them.   Anyway, for some reason they no longer belong to us, but English’s worldwide dominance goes on, due to America the Queen’s mighty voice.

In a few moments we shall begin to dissect and destroy the languages of foreigners, but first we would like to rid ourselves of this word, “foreigners”, for it has many, many negative connotations and there are many ways to insult them without calling them this word.   We will no longer use it.

These Overseas People are not English mother-tonguers (EMTs).   The very fact that they try to learn English makes them inherently arrogant!    Trying to learn a foreign language is far from natural, especially in a school environment, and this foul practice would be easily eradicated by closing the city of Bournemouth.   A second way of reducing shoddy English in other languages would be a cull (or deportation) of any foreigner caught speaking it.    Even if he is in his home country, this is an offence worthy of deportation.

At the moment we only have Complaining Pages about French, German, Spanish and Welsh, because languages farther afield (e.g. Chinese) are bewildering, with ridiculous alphabets and word order, and verbs that mean “to love for the last time” with no negative form!   I’ll be damned if I call a big wave a tsunami.   Nonetheless, if you know of any other languages, please E-mail them to us.

Glottal cocks
Other languages can tell us about our own.   In English, for example, glottal stops are worthy of contempt, though not for any linguistic reason; mockery of Londoners is just one the ways in which we pretend to be intelligent.

But in Danish, the glottal stop (glottal plosive) is regarded as high-class and Part of the Standard Language.   This is outrageous!   We were going to burn their embassy down, but fear not: the Danes have exonerated themselves with a single quote:

“even Danes cannot always use [the glottal stop] correctly particularly not if they are speaking one of our dialects.” [1]

So they also discriminate against loutish dialect-speakers!   Stupid people, from outside the area of Core Danish, who do not produce the elegant and refined glottal stop sound!   We must sympathise with the normal Danes who have to put up with them.   Our languages are really very similar, albeit exact opposites.

(Seriously, I’ve no evidence that the author of that quote is a QES-style bigot, but he writes that few languages use the glottal stop when, in fact, many do. In our neck of the woods, Danish, Dutch, northern German, General American and (shock horror) Received Pronunciation all use it.)

F****gners cannot talk
Arrogant though they be, we are glad to have noticed that our f****gn “friends” have recently begun to try to speak English!   This saves us from having to learn anything about their countries.   It speaks very well of our hard-work as a Foundation, and we shall take the credit that is rightly due to us.

However! Foreigners have started transporting English words over into other languages!   Even changing the meanings!  This “word borrowing Word Theft”, which has been going on since the dawn of time, is unnatural and unacceptable, except for when English-speakers do it.  The Queen’s Hypocrisy Society give the example of what the French do to shampoo!  Avert your children’s eyes.

Shampoo – In English, this word derives from a Hindi word meaning to massage.  In English it means hair-washing [...] Again, the French have picked the thing up by its tail and have converted the present participle into a noun” [2][3]

Fudging h***!   I can’t believe that Hindi-speakers, the very people who invented the word SHAMPOO, didn’t know what it meant!   Thank goodness we Anglophones correctified them with our goodly use of words.    The French, on the other hand, must be sacked, especially their shampooineuses (the young lady who washes your hair), and, most especially of all, the shampooineuses who are not young, as the QES specified that they must be.  [The word shampooineuse does not exist, by the way; nor does this paragraph. Stop saying it – Ed.]

Here are some further examples.  A very good argument to ban English as the world language of commerce; nothing positive has come from it as far as I can see!

Images [pd] & [pd]


Phonetic symbol for a glottal plosive

“Cocoanut shampoo: two foreign words we
must cast out of English [pd]

THE FRENCH – some examples of Frenchglais!  By inventing such an hilarious nickname for “loan words”, we hope to mask the fact that English has been massively influenced by French and Latin, and that, if any language ought to be called Frenchglais, it’s the one I’m using right now.  Euh... va chier!


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